Let's face it; we all can't be Coco Martin or Derek Ramsay. And while all the good looking guys are out there getting laid, you're somewhere in your mama's basement collecting men's magazines growing calluses in your palms. Don't even deny it. Brother let me tell you, you can change all that as I have.
Since you're reading this I would have to assume you're one ugly muthaf***r and just like you, I wasn't blessed with awesome genes (no offense to my parents) as well. I'm not tall. I have pimple marks all over my face. I have a mediocre-built body. I have a patch of naked skin on top of my head that looks a helipad for flies. And my face will never even launch a paper boat. To put it simply, I am just horrendous as hell.
BUT... (And not to brag) I have lost count of the women that I have been with over the past years.
And, since I have retired from that life, I just want to give my contribution to society by sharing my "
not-so-secret" secrets to you guys. It's about time you finally take your share of that booty pie! The tips that I am about to tell you are fairly basic and simple - but most importantly full proofed as based on my actual experiences.
Disclaimer: The tips below are to be used generally to get any girl that you want. However, I have to say that this does not include picking up one in a bar. Picking up a girl in a bar is something so elementary you'd only need money and booze to get into any girl's pants. Plus, everyone looks "good" in a bar it's like fishing in an aquarium.
Confidence
This is the first and most important thing that you should have. And I do emphasize on '
MOST IMPORTANT' because without this everything else is useless. Yes, I do understand that it’s hard to be confident when even you scare yourself in front of the mirror but it's the only way to go.
Without the looks, you got to find a way to be confident about yourself. I am just lucky to have parents who tell me I look handsome even though I know it was, I guess, part of their obligations as parents to say so.
I am not going to tell you how to grow balls, that's Dr. Phil's department. But for starters, try to look at your condition as something interestingly unique or a weird mutation of some sort and you might even end up with some good stories you can use later on. If you're really struggling on this part, try getting some self-help books or go see a shrink. Bottom line is, start feeling good about yourself no matter how hard it might be. If you're not going to feel good about yourself, who else will right?
Remember, bras get undone to a confident man. A word of caution though:
Be careful not to mistake confidence with arrogance. The latter can get you a slap on the face.
Good Hygiene
This is the second most important item to remember - always keep a good hygiene. You're already ugly; don't add insult to injury by being sloppy. Take a bath. Brush your teeth and shave. Trim those nasty nose hairs. Get a haircut. Acquaint yourself with deodorants and splash some cologne or perfume. Nobody likes a smelly person much more a smelly ugly person. Dab on the right perfume and you'll have girls flock over you like bees on honey.
My father was a very good looking guy (I think I got my genes from the neighbour) and he always smelled good. I could still smell his perfume on the road ten minutes after he has gone to the office. People always complimented him on that. The time I started liking girls, I wanted to emulate my pops by spraying (almost bathing) myself with the cheapest cologne I could find. And even then, whenever I was around with girls they would tell me how good I smelled and asked me what I was using. One conversation led to another and everything else was history.
Avoid body odours. At any time of the day, whenever you feel like you already smell like a donkey then you probably are. Do not be ashamed to ask a friend (an honest friend) if you already are starting to stink. Then try and freshen up again.
Look the Look, Walk the Walk
Now this is the third most important idea to remember and it’s a combination of both confidence and good hygiene. This is the time to put those men's magazine to good use. Go over the style and grooming section and check out the latest on men's fashion. I'm not saying to gay it up or go metro sexual. Throw away those baggy pants you've been wearing since high school and leave those shorts on the beach. Try something more casual that will show you're an independent and confident man ready to sweep any girl off her feet. With this one, remember that it’s not how you want to look but it’s how girls would want you to look. Practice the art of posturing. Do not slouch and always keep eye contact.
Personally, during casual days I would wear something like a dark jeans, long sleeved polo shirt rolled up to the elbow, and leather shoes. During formal occasions, the right coat and tie never goes wrong with me. But it really doesn't matter what you are wearing as long as it’s a perfect fit. No oversize shirts unless you just got circumcised and please stay away from body fitting shirts -- even a good looking guy can hardly pull that one off.
Be observant and Learn to Research
Since you're abominable, do not risk going directly to a girl and asking for her number. Here's an example:
When I was reviewing for my nursing exam, I used to study in this cosy little cafe and I always noticed this girl on the table next to mine. She had this big round eyes and pixie cut hair that made her look like an anime character. She was reading books on the constitution, law, and political science I figured she might be a law student.
So the following day after I got my coffee from the counter I stopped by her table and (innocently) said
, "Hi, I'm sorry to disturb you. My name is Girome, and I noticed that you're reading criminal law. Are you reviewing for the bar exam?"
And then she looked up and said,
"Oh, I'm still in my second year in Law school".
"That's impressive. I'm reviewing for my nursing exam as well and I find nursing law quite challenging. Good luck with your studies", I replied, smiled and went back to my table. When I was about to leave, I dropped by her table and said, "
Hi, I'll go ahead, by the way, I'm sorry I wasn't able to get your name"
"I'm Janice, and you're Girome right?" she said.
"Yes I am. Nice knowing you Janice. I'll go ahead. Enjoy the rest of your day". And then I left.
The next day, Janice and I talked. The day after that, we shared the same table. A couple days more, we were already sharing something else.
That’s how it’s done. Be observant to the little details. Throw in some subtle compliments every now and then and NEVER rush things! Keep your pace; be sensitive to the right timing. And be a good listener.
With the social media nowadays, you have it easy on you pal. Google the girl's name and you'll probably get her Facebook page. There you can already find everything there is to know about your target. Her likes and dislikes, her favourite movie, the songs she listens to. Who her last boyfriend was and why it didn't work out. It's a stalker's paradise. But then again, this is for your research.
Be Part of a Group
Specifically a group who gets laid the most. I think this is pretty much a given. When I didn't have my car yet, I joined this online bull board forum ran by a local FM station. I think I got to know (more than usual *wink*) five girls from there. When I already had my car, I joined an auto club and the girls rained like
Sendong I finally lost count. What I can remember though is that there's an awfully lot of Michelles in the city. So say bye-bye to your Magic Card friends and your online gaming buddies and start befriending actual people.
Learn the ONLY Pick Up Line You Should Use
Now considering you already did your research and you’re ready to pounce on your prey, there is only one line that works all the others are crap:
"Hi, my name is (your name)..."
That single line shows that you might be butt ugly but you're got the balls big enough to introduce yourself. And girls do love playing with balls *wink*. Keep it short and simple.
Points to Remember:
- Be observant and sensitive to what the girl likes and act on it. Be a cautious manipulator if needed. I once knew a girl who loved romance novels. During the course of one our conversations I told her my girlfriend just died that I was so devastated and didn't know if I could move on. She got really sad and asked how she can be of help. I told her I just wanted someone to lean on and with a little bit of drama, I got to do more than just leaning *wink*.
- When dealing with a group of girls, move your way up by starting on the least beautiful one. This will make the most beautiful one wonder why you didn't go for her and make you a little bit more interesting. Plus, by starting on the least beautiful, you'll going to be cutting down your losses once you get rejected. When I was still with my crew in the auto club, I knew this group of local models who were hanging around with us. Guys always went to the prettiest one who was Candy, so the least pretty one Allie was always left in the corner with the other friend Honey – who wasn't bad looking as well. So while the guys hover over Candy, I made my move with Allie, then after I went for Honey, and finally went for the home run who was Candy. Of course, it took a bit of time but its all part of the chase.
- Prepare to get rejected -- a lot. This is a fact. But then again, learn from your rejections and move on. Strictly no crying. Like what the cliche says: There's a lot more bitches in the sea.
- Observe the 24 hour rule. When you already have the girl's telephone number, wait for 24 hours until you can call her. Calling her before that time will make you look like a desperate twat. And take note: CALL her. Leave the texting to the kids.
- Observe the Once-A-Week Rule. Do not sleep with a girl two days in a row. Keep at least a week before you tap that ass again. Sleeping with the same girl in succession will make you look desperate, clingy, and out of options. Remember, unless you want to buy the cow, you got to keep them thinking that you're the MAN!
- Always observe the proper after-sex etiquette. If you're at home try to bring her some coffee or breakfast in bed. This will not only make you a real gentleman but also will guarantee you another round in that pound. If you're in a hotel, please DON'T let her pay the bill. Drive her home or get her a taxi. And another awesome tip: Ask her where she lives, give 200 pesos (estimated fare anywhere within the city unless she lives in another province) to the taxi driver and instruct him to bring her to the address she just told you. You then tell the girl not to worry about the fare since you already took care of it. This will not only let you know where she lives, but more importantly this will make you look -cool and totally in-charge. In girl talk: YUMMY
- Exercise. This will build up your endurance and stamina to keep you going and going and going and going and going and going. Once I hooked up with an Angel Locsin look-alike I had to pull an all-nighter it felt like I got ran over by a truck the following day.
- Ladies First Always. Hold your climax. Observe the 3 is to 1 rule. Let the girl climax first 3 times before you blow yours. Moreover, learn the art of foreplay. A girl is like an engine, it takes a while for her to heat up. So learn to use all the other parts of your body. It's amazing what you can do with those 10 fingers.
- Don't sleep or smoke after sex. Normally, men tend to fall asleep after sex. Fight the urge to doze off. Instead, engage yourself to a little bit of pillow talk. This will not only make you look like a sensitive stud but also allows your manhood to rest for the next round. Booyah!
- Being an ugly ass sonofagun that you are, these tips I just gave you will help these girls overlook your 'uniqueness' and instead focus on what an amazing lover you are. And you know girls, they talk. And when word spreads, there might be a time you're not going to be looking for girls anymore; they're going to be looking for you.
- Unless you’re riding a Kawasaki Ninja or a Honda CBR 1000cc, leave your Mio at home. If you don’t have a car, you’re way better off with a taxi.
- Improve your sense of humor. Learn to laugh at yourself. This will not only show the confidence that you have to joke about yourself but most importantly you might end up amusing the girl up to her room.
- Finally, always be safe. Buy a fresh pack of condoms and throw away the one you've been keeping in your wallet wishing for the right time. That one probably already expired along with your wish. Seriously, always be prepared. You can’t be too sure what nasty diseases you might acquire or worse, you’re going to end up with a bunch of little ugly kids running around town.
So there you go. For my fellow less-beautiful brothers, those are some tips you might want to keep in mind next time you meet a girl that you like. Though some of these tips may work for those looking for a long-time relationship (specially the basics), but I can only vouch their effectiveness on one-night-stands and/or friends-with-benefits situations.
Again, let me just say that I am already retired from this lifestyle but if you have any questions, or examples you might want to ask, hit me up on the comments section. Happy hunting you sexy beast!
Note: The name of the girls mentioned above are not their real names for privacy purposes.